Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  I have memories of Mother's Day in my home growing up.
The day started with church and the pink carnations they handed out to the moms.  Mom liked flowers so I always thought she must love getting flowers at church!  We went home and the rest of the day consisted of Dad helping us realize how special Mom was in our family.  I remember lots of foot rubs and back massages.  We all knew that was her favorite.  Even though we rarely voiced it, Mom was the one who kept our lives in order and the chaos down - at least that is my memory.

This year was my first Mother's Day.  It did not feel different from any other day.  Granted I have only been a mom for 3 months and - all things considered - my daughter does not require that much work yet.  There is not much chaos for me to grab and take hold of and our lives certainly not in order yet since Amelia has been born.
I feel it is unnecessary to celebrate my accomplishments the last three months.  My church did not hand out carnations but instead it was chocolate candy bars!  On my first Mother's Day my husband worked and I missed the chocolate candy bars because I was in the bathroom feeding Amelia.  Steve was unable to even surprise me with flowers because we are down to one car and I took him to and from work.
I decided this year was not much of a celebration of my motherhood, but rather a welcome into the reality of motherhood : )  Those realities are such things as toting the baby around town by myself while my husband provides food and shelter for us.  The realities of learning to be flexible when I miss out on free chocolate.  The reality that my life now revolves - literally - around my baby daughter.  The reality that she cannot thank me because she has no idea of my sacrifices and, therefore, does not care.  She is incapable of giving me that foot rub for now.
As much as I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, it has been difficult to accept as being such a special and important role.  I find myself saying to people that I am "just a stay-at-home mom".  But the longer I am a mom, the more acquainted I become with Amelia, the more I realize my mind is saturated with thoughts of her and I am consumed all day with just taking care of her.  And I realize suddenly that I am okay with that.  While I wish, sometimes, I had the time to do some other things, I do not regret the enormous chunk of my day that is spent at home with my daughter.  She is who gave me the gift of motherhood.
I guess that is how I am celebrating Mother's Day this year.