Today Steve and I went to lunch with some family. We took Amelia with us.
She was fussy all morning and afternoon. Eventually, she took her fussiness to a level of loudness and, with mounting frustration, I hurried outside so as to spare the other customers.
I was so put out with her that I was in a bad mood and testy with Steve. Even as I tended to my daughter, I pushed away the thought that I wouldn't be so impatient with her if we had been at home. I would cooed over her and rocked her and read books to her. I would have given her my undivided attention.
I found it quite unfair that she can be so well behaved and happy 90% of the time, but we go out to eat for a little birthday lunch and she takes up all the time and energy we have.
When we arrived back home, I took her in my arms, fed her, read to her, cuddled a little and then we smiled back and forth for a while. Such a sweet and precious time. Then, as I laid her in her crib, she went peacefully and quickly to sleep. As soon as I gave her my complete attention, I was sorry I had been so upset with her. I just wanted to have a little fun the way I did before she entered our lives. I have found a few opportunities to enjoy such times, but most of the time it just is not going to be that way anymore. I am a mother and my time is not just mine and my husband's anymore.
Right now, my world revolves around my little girl and if I don't cherish it, I think I will deeply regret it for the rest of my life.
